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© Copyright 2009 J P McMenamin

Poetry? What is it?

How do you become a poet? You know, people come up to me in the street and say, 'Hey, do you know where I can buy cheap cigarettes?'

It's hard to know what people like. This book has been with a focus group who have solicited impartial views from a wide cross section of the public. Here is a random selection.

I do not think I could have endured my time in the caves of Afghanistan without this book. I love poetry. I am a very sensitive person. I cry at the slightest thing. I know people think I am a bad man, but I swear to Allah I am trying to change. I attend anger management classes and I have applied to join the Samaritans. And it's all due to this book.
                                              Osama Bin-Laden
             (Revolutionary and amateur sand dancer)

I like this book. I like-ah the colour grey. I like-ah little donkeys. I like hitting my head against the wall. I like-ah the number two. I like-ah ... ...
                                          Wee Nellie Grommet
              (Recently voted The Maddest Woman in
             Britain by the readers of Nutters Weekly)

I did not as much read this book. It has big words in it. I got my mum to read it to me. I liked it. But my favourite book is Peter Rabbit. It has pictures in it. This book has not got pictures in it and it has big words. I do not like big words. They hurt my head.
                                                 George W Bush
                  (President and all round good old boy)

I read this book with sweet anticipation. Then I sent sweet anticipation home and read the book again. And it's just as I thought. This book is nothing more than a cunning collection of letters which make words. These words' when used in a certain way make sentences. This is a cunning ploy but is not unique. Other writers have used this method. I worked this all out by myself. Which proves, if proof were needed, that my Nobel Prize was NOT fixed. I did NOT bribe the judges ... and I have the receipts to prove it.
                                               Albert Einstein
                    (Scientist and Irritating Smart Ass)